It was a better day today. I got up and made waffles, pancakes, sausage and eggs this morning. Heather enjoyed a drawn out breakfast with us before she left to go back home. Laure and I got a lot done around the house, Laure a hell of a lot more than I did.
It’s been nice seeing her motivation return since she got her anti-depressants straightened out. She laughs a lot more, she has a bit of a dance in her step when she’s doing things around the house, and sings little phrases to herself while she works. Her sex drive has come back as well. It’s been great seeing her slowly come back to life. She comments on it a lot, how she never wants to go back to feeling that way again, how dark life was for her all those years.
Something occurred to me today. It was a train of thought started rolling by something I saw on “Malcom in the Middle”, of all shows. It’s a fucking great show by the way. We’ve already seen the whole series all the way through, a few years ago, but we’re watching it again because it’s that good. Anyway, Hal (the dad) said something to his kids, during what we can only assume was a cancer scare, since it’s never explained at all in the episode. He said something about how everything was still so new to his kids.
That got me to thinking that I remember that feeling. I remember that that’s exactly what it was like as a child, then as a teenager, then in college and as I was getting out into the world. That’s exactly what it was. I was still discovering the world, still learning so much and experiencing new things. Then, at some point, that stopped, some time in my early twenties. I think my ex-wife had a lot to do with that, because I remember a period after she left me, when I was still grieving our marriage, and trying to make up for lost time, when I traveled quite a bit. I traveled around the western states a bit, then took a trip to Ireland. That feeling was back. Everything I saw was something I hadn’t seen before. I think that’s why I miss traveling so much. It think that’s why I crave road trips every time Laure and I hit the interstate on our way to work in the mornings.
When our tax refunds come in, I have GOT to get to work on the tear drop. Laure and I need to start traveling again, even if it’s just weekend trips. I need to experience new things and new places again. I think that’s what’s been fueling this stagnation I’ve felt for a very long time now.
My dad used to take us on road trips when we were little. He would drive from his house in Wyoming down to Nebraska to pick us up, and the trip back would be part of the experience. We’d camp out, stop and see the sights, eat in little diners, get hot dogs at little road side stands, see those odd tourist attractions that seem kind of silly but are fun just the same. I really miss that. I would really like to take a few weeks to just wander around the country, with no particular destination in mind. Just Laure and I, and of course the dogs, on the road, going wherever caught our attention that morning.
I think that would be wonderful.